TOTAL IRRELEVANCE:
THE LEGACY OF THE HATEFUL EAGLES FAN
Dear Obnoxious Eagles Fans,
We are writing to you as the bearer of bad news:
You are irrelevant.
Yes, irrelevant.
Despite all of the boorish chest-pumping and Cro-Magnon-like behavior, you are irrelevant. And despite the odd delusion of seeing yourself as intimidating, and thus feeling as though your city, your stadium and your favorite team is also intimidating, the stats and facts just don't back you up. And this is particularly true when it comes to your unhealthy obsession with the Dallas Cowboys.
We know, we know ... you really hate the Cowboys. You seem to talk about it a lot. But what you might not know is that, from the outside, you are looked at not with any sense of intimidation or fear, but rather empathy and pity. Because we Dallas fans actually know and understand where your hate is coming from. More often than not, for the past 63 years, the Dallas Cowboys have been punching you in the face. And the way we see it, if someone had been punching us in the face for 63 years, we wouldn't like them either.
And the history of the face-punching is quite remarkable:
* The Cowboys all-time record vs. Philadelphia is 70-55. Edge: Dallas
* The Cowboys all-time record vs. Philadelphia in the playoffs is 3-1. Edge: Dallas
* The Cowboys have appeared in the playoffs 30 times. Philadelphia has appeared in the playoffs 24 times. Edge: Dallas
* The Cowboys have won the NFC East 21 times. The Eagles have won the NFC East 11 times. Edge Dallas.
* The Cowboys have appeared in the Super Bowl eight times and have won five. The Eagles have appeared in the Super Bowl four times and have won 1. Edge: Dallas. (And really, it's the Lombardi's that matter the most.)
* The Dallas Cowboys officially recognize 22 members of the Pro Football Hall of Fame as Cowboys because they spent all or much of their career in Dallas. There are 31 in total. There are only 13 people in the Pro Football Hall of Fame that are associated mostly with the Philadelphia Eagles, and that is despite the fact the Eagles organization pre-dates the Dallas organization by 27 years. (And that's kind of pitiful.) Edge: Dallas
* The Cowboys all-time record vs. Philadelphia in Dallas is 42-24. Edge: Dallas
* The Cowboys all-time record vs. Philadelphia in Philadelphia is 31-32. We know, this one really hurts you. Despite all of your tough talk and obsurd posturing, you really have no home field advantage over the Dallas Cowboys. You get drunk and wave towels and flap your arms like ridiculous ostriches, trying to "fly," and you seem to think you will have some sort of affect on opposing players or have an impact on the game. But you are irrelevant. And you scare no one. Whether it has been at Franklin Field, The Vet or The Linc, the fact is when Dallas has been in town, you have often walked out of your own building in silent defeat. (A favorite memory is Emmitt Smith rushing for 237 yards at The Vet against your big, bad defense on Monday Night Football.) Edge: Dallas.
* Recent history? The Cowboys record against Philadelphia over the past fast five years is 7-4. The Cowboys record against Philadelphia over the past 10 years is 12-9. There have been Cowboys victories by scores of 51-26, 37-17 and 41-21. And, to further demonstrate the irrelevantness of the "tough Philly crowd," the Cowboys record when playing at The Linc over just the past 10 years is 7-5. Romo loved playing in Philly and Prescott does, too. You are irrelevant. Edge Dallas.
Prescott, overall, is 8-4 against Philadelphia and says he "loves playing there."
Look, the Eagles are a quality organization that has run a quality program, especially over the past 20 years. They've had some great players and coaches, some great seasons, the team ownership has been smart and steady and they've made had some nice drafts and made some good trades. And I'm sure they've got some great guys on the team. And so let's be clear that as Cowboys fans, we can talk intelligently about the Philly team and its talents. And though we've met some Eagles fans that can do the same regarding Dallas, it seems to be a rarity. And so as we take a look at the two fanbases, we'll try to keep it simple and without making any generalizations:
* In Dallas, fans of visiting teams are treated to Southern hospitality. They hope that you like their amazing stadium and enjoy their city. When they have won Super Bowls, they have had nice parades and everyone had fun. In Philadelphia, Eagles fans made Philly the first and only team in NFL history to actually have a magistrate placed inside the stadium during games, so that when people were arrested for disorderly behavior, they could be fined right on the spot. They've also been known to hit other fans with batteries and snowballs, including children and Santa Claus, and they provoke fights. They once cheered when a star Dallas player appeared to be paralyzed during a game and - while even Eagles players were kneeling in prayer - they rejoiced when his neck was immobilized and an ambulance was brought on the field. (I was at the game.) When, after decades of failure, they finally won their first Super Bowl, fans celebrated by overturning automobiles and setting things on fire. Prior to Super Bowl 57, which featured the Eagles vs. Chiefs, Dak Prescott was presented with the NFL's Walter Payton Award, which is considered one the league's highest honors and recognizes a player for outstanding charitable work in his community. The Eagles fans booed. Cowboy fans aren't quite sure what led to all of that bizarre behavior. How would we? We are not a Neanderthals. Maybe "It's a Philly thing." Fan edge: Dallas.
And so there you have it: Your irrelevance has been outlined and demonstrated for you by the simple facts. You have zero impact on anything. You do no scare or intimidate anyone. You spoke, back in 2009, about how the New York Yankees would be intimated by you during the World Series. Funny, by Derek Jeter, who'd by then been playing games at Fenway Park for about 15 years, didn't seem too fazed by all of the towel-waving. Nor did Hideki Matsui, who batted .615. Nor did the 2023 Arizona Diamondbacks. (Ouch.)
But please, carry on with you dumb memes, your drunken violence and and your ridiculous arm-flapping. We will just quietly go about our business, stick with our team and, more often than not, we will enjoy seeing the Dallas Cowboys kick your ass.
Sincerely,
Dallas Cowboys Fans
