AN ODE TO THE OBNOXIOUS EAGLES FAN
DALLAS COWBOYS FANS OF NEPA BLOGDecember 1, 2014
(Well, OK, it’s still funny.)
The obnoxious Eagle fan will also use the term “Cowgirls” to describe the Dallas Cowboys. That one seems innocent enough. But, man, it’s just so damn weak. It lacks any creativity or pizzazz. My initial thought when I see it is, “C’mon, man. You can do better.” But then I realize the sad truth, and that when your mind is permanently stunted at the kindergarten level, you really can’t do any better. Still, I do find it annoying, and whenever I see someone use the “Romo/Homo” thing on Facebook, or “Cowgirls,” I delete them from my friends list. And the reason is simple: I probably like the Dallas Cowboys much more than I like them. I don’t really like ignorant Archie Bunker-type people, and so, if you are one of them, and you read this, and you want to delete me, knock yourself out.
We’ve all heard all of the stories about the obnoxious Eagles fans, and how they helped make the Eagles the first and only team in NFL history to actually have a magistrate placed inside the stadium during games, so that when people were arrested for disorderly behavior, they could be fined on the spot. We’ve also heard about hitting other fans with batteries and snowballs, including children. I’m not sure what leads to all of that. How would I? I am a human being. They are not. But I do think being 0-48 since the start of the Super Bowl has something to with it. The obnoxious Eagle fan is, in some ways, like a 19 year-old young man, bristling with testosterone, but never gets laid. And over the course of five decades, it’s turned him into a raging lunatic. Derek Jeter recently said that he noticed a big change with the fans in Boston after they finally won a few championships. But the obnoxious Eagles fan still waits. And waits. And waits. I’d like to say I wish they’d just win a damn championship already, but it’s not true. I enjoy the anguish. I enjoy the suffering.
That same day was the day that Hall of Fame wide receiver Michael Irvin played for the last time. A long pre-existing neck issue, which he never knew anything about, was aggravated during the game. I was watching him on the very play that it happened. It was not because of any fierce hit put on him by an Eagle. He simply came down on his neck on a short cross route in an awkward way, and for quite some time, he lay motionless on the field. An ambulance was brought out, his neck was immobilized, and players from both the Eagles and Cowboys knelt in prayer. It was pretty much the most frightening thing that can happen to a football player. And as it was happening, the Eagles fans cheered.
What’s that old joke?
Question: “What did Charles Darwin say when he attended an Eagles game?”
After the Michael Irvin game, I wrote an editorial for the newspaper about the Eagles and their fans. The headline read: “Losers for losers.”
It is still funny to me how some of these pinheads think they’re cute by posting these anti-Dallas memes all over Facebook on game day. Newsflash: They’re everywhere for pretty much every team. It doesn’t make you clever to have found one. In fact, I posted a few here about the Eagles just to irritate you. Three of them, I made myself. It’s not that hard, or that impressive. Get over yourself. I know it’s tough when the greatest sports figure in your city’s history is fictional (sorry “Rocky”), but if you want to play with the big boys (Cowboys, Giants, Redskins – 11 Super Bowl titles) you need to bring better game than a meme.
Oh yes, history. There is nothing the obnoxious Eagles fan hates more that when you talk about NFL history. Understandable, especially since Dallas has won the NFC East 17 times, nearly twice as many as Philadelphia, and has played in eight super Bowls, as compared to the Eagles two. And then there’s that big one: Dallas – five Super Bowl rings. Eagles – none. It stings. We know that. And since you’re already taking such a savage beating in this little blog, we’ll let it go at that. And hey, it’s not like you don’t have some of your own “glory years” to reflect on. You had that great 1980 team (first team in history to lose the Super Bowl to a wild card team), that great Buddy Ryan team from the late ‘80s and early ‘90s (which essentially won nothing), and that great Donavan McNabb team from the early 2000s, known best for frequently losing the NFC Championship Game and the Super Bowl.
Unless, of course, you’re an obnoxious Eagle fan. Then, you always have everything. Just ask them. Not only do they always have a great quarterback, but they usually have two. And they are always squabbling among themselves over which one should start. It has been going on for about 25 years now. It’s funny. Also, every time they win three or four games in a row, they are “going to the Super Bowl.” Until, of course, they drop two in a row. Then, they’re all off the bandwagon.
The Cowboys and Eagles are in the same division. Unless that changes, they will always play each other twice a year. They’re often big games, but you’ll never see me countering those “Dallas Sucks” posts by Eagles fans with “Eagles Suck” posts. Why? Because, for one, it’s not true. For the most part, over the years, the Eagles have run a quality football program. And also, it’s just a simpleton-type thing to do. Kind of like questioning the toughness of a guy like Romo who has played with broken ribs, a punctured lung and fractures in his back. And as a player? Coming into this season, which has been one of his best, Romo had the highest fourth quarter passer rating of any quarterback in the NFL since 2000. Higher than Tom Brady. Higher than Peyton Manning. Higher than Drew Brees. Higher than Aaron Rodgers. Coming into this season, he had 18 fourth quarter comebacks and had led 19 game-winning drives. He's already tacked on some more this year. And he has beat the Eagles many times, including in the playoffs.
Those are the facts. And those are the things the obnoxious Eagles fan doesn't deal with very well.
The obnoxious Eagles fan probably wouldn't even get that joke.
(And I mean no offense to Neanderthals.)